conscious breathing is a powerful way to enhance both relaxation massage
and erotic massage. If the receiving partner forgets to breathe, the
massaging partner can remind him or her by breathing rhythmically and
audibly. Some partners find that synchronizing the breathing between the
two of them leads to wonderful sensations. Just don't hyperventilate...
advanced technique in male genital massage is to stimulate the man's
prostate gland at the same time one is stimulating the penis. This can be
done with a finger an inch or two inside his anus, pressing on the dome
shape found in the direction of the penis. When stimulating the prostate,
you should wear latex gloves, have short fingernails (or else pack cotton
balls around your fingernails and then put gloves on), and use lots of
lube. Part of what some beginners find novel about anal penetration is
that it makes one feel as if one has to go to the bathroom. By going to
the bathroom pretty thoroughly before beginning play, one may have an
easier time not interpreting this new sensation in the old context.
Pressing on the prostate gland during ejaculation, or when a man is close
to ejaculation, can feel wonderful. It is also possible for some men to
have ejaculatory orgasms through prostate stimulation alone.
each partner has sufficient experience with his or her own sexual
response, they may wish to try mutual stimulation. This is best done on a
bed, rather than on a massage table. Simply lie down facing each other,
heads close together, and pleasure each other with your hands. Again, for
men slightly pulling away or giving some other cue when ejaculation is
imminent will allow play to continue.
a great way to give someone an experience of being totally taken care
of and free of any responsibilities.
good for the body. Any book on therapeutic massage will list a number
of positive, documented effects of massage on the body and mind.
massage is one of the best ways to help someone achieve extended,
multiple, or "whole body" orgasmic states.
can't get pregnant from erotic massage, even if you aren't using any
sort of birth control. Thus, it's a great way for male/female couples
without access to birth control to make love.
intact latex gloves are used, there is no risk of STD transmission
regardless of what sort of genital or anal pleasuring is being
performed. Most people find latex gloves easier to deal with and less
intrusive than condoms or dental dams. Furthermore, if your skin is
healthy and you aren't going to be coming into contact with infected
skin or body fluids, then gloves aren't necessary at all.
provides a space to learn to give and receive pleasure, and gives the
receiving partner a chance to feel completely cared for by the
Complete Erotic Massage (for Men or Women)
Society for Human Sexuality)
by setting the space. The room should be warm enough for someone to be
comfortable lying down naked in it (at least 78 degrees). Play some
soft music, and possibly burn some incense. Turn off any phones and
put a "Do Not Disturb" sign on the door. The room lights
should be low or off, and candles should be lit if possible.
the receiving partner take a hot bath or sit in a steam room or sauna
before the massage is a good idea - this will open the pores and make
the massage feel twice as nice.
you can take your sheets, blankets, and/or towels out of the dryer
just before beginning your massage, they will be warm and feel
wonderful to the receiving partner.
a sort of "interview" with your partner if necessary. Ask
them about any fantasies they have (which you can incorporate into
"hot talk" later), if they're ticklish anywhere, if any part
of their body is injured, etc. Ask how they masturbate. Learning
whether they like G-spot stimulation, prostate stimulation, and/or
vibrators is valuable.
the receiving partner start out face down, lying on the sheet and
blanket. Remind him or her to breathe slowly and regularly. Place your
hands on the receiving partner's upper and lower back, asking that
person to imagine with each breath sinking lower and lower into the
table. Rest like this for a little while.
a long feather. Say, "I'm going to run a feather over your back.
Put all your awareness into the place where the feather is touching
you." Slowly run the feather up and down your partner's body.
a fur mitten. Tell your partner to "Just enjoy this
sensation." Run it all over their body.
your massage on your partner's back. Proceed to his or her neck, legs,
and feet. Kiss the back of your partner's neck every once in a while.
your partner turn over, possibly offering an eye pillow if the room is
too bright. Run the fur mitten over the front of their body.
the front of your partner's feet and legs.
your partner's genitals, inner thighs and/or nipples.
your partner's abdomen.
your partner's arms and hands.
your partner's nipples with your palms, keeping your mouth by his or
her ear. Take this opportunity to say anything sexy and encouraging
that comes to mind. Let your body language reflect the fun you are
teasing, brushing strokes over your partner's genitals. Tell your
partner to "Imagine an arousing heat slowly building in your
genitals and spreading outwards."
genital massage, to orgasm's) if possible or desired. Many women will
also enjoy it if a vibrator is gracefully included as part of this.
your partner with a blanket and rest your hands on his or her heart
and genitals. Rest like this for a while.
Your Lover's Sex Centers
basic principle of male genital massage is that you should slow down,
stop, or change what you are doing just before ejaculation becomes
inevitable. The best way to accomplish this is for the man to give a
signal just before this point is reached. Verbal cues, raising a hand,
pulling away slightly, or even subtle body language cues can all work
well. This repeated "peaking" process can sometimes help men
learn to have multiple orgasms without ejaculating, and can also be
practiced during solo masturbation. Although delaying ejaculation during
the course of the massage is desirable from the perspective of maximizing
pleasure, many partners do like to finish the massage with one.
Ejaculation provides a considerable spark of pleasure, but can leave men
too fatigued to enjoy the rest of the evening or do a good job massaging
their partner; opposite-sex partners who like to finish male genital
massage with ejaculation should have the woman receive her massage first.
also fun to encourage your partner with hot talk (possibly weaving
together a verbal fantasy based on your partner's desires). Letting your
partner know verbally and non-verbally that you're actively enjoying his
pleasure can be a powerful aphrodisiac.
an aside, it should be noted that a nice feature of male genital massage
is that an erection is not required for it to feel good; some massage
strokes actually feel BETTER when the penis is soft.
Genital Massage Strokes
are many different massage strokes that feel good on male genitals. Unless
he indicates otherwise, it's usually safe to assume that firm and
consistent stroking will feel best. I'm going to present a few favourite
strokes below, but you can make up your own, refer to Appendix A, or
examine the resources in this guide's "Learning More about
Massage" section to learn dozens of additional strokes. One approach
that some people favour is selecting two favourite strokes, and for a
period of time alternating between them every once in a while.
- With the penis resting on the belly, cup the balls with one hand. The
heel of the palm of the other hand glides up and down the underside of the
penis all the way to the tip. (Body Electric School handout)
- Bring one hand down, letting it stroke the penis from the top all the
way to the bottom. When it hits the bottom, release it. Meanwhile bring
your other hand to the top of the penis and repeat the stroke, creating an
alternating motion. (internet Alt.Sex FAQ)
- Take the penis in one hand and gently, sensuously caress it for about
ten seconds, then give it one quick up-and-down stroke. Repeat the
sensuous caressing for about ten seconds (perhaps using slow up-and-down
strokes), and then give the penis two quick up-and-down strokes. Repeat
the caressing, then give three quick strokes, etc. Continue until
ejaculation approaches inevitability. (SM 101, 2nd Ed.)
up to the two of you whether to finish with an ejaculation. If you do,
then pleasuring can continue all the way through ejaculation and until
your partner asks you to stop. At the end of the massage (whether or not
there is an ejaculation), the sheet/blanket combination can be folded up
over the person on the table to provide a warm cocoon. This can be a time
of profound peace and contentment together.